“Our inner critic is so ingrained in us that many people are often unaware that they’re putting up barriers or talking themselves out of great opportunities.” – Play Confidently: Quiet Your Inner Critic, Chapter 1
You are smarter than you think you are. I first learned this lesson as an adult trying to get into college.
In 10th grade, I had an opportunity to get into an elite private school that focused on the arts and sciences. I was to enter in on the music path and I passed the audition on the bass and tuba. But I didn’t get accepted because my SAT scores were too low to meet the entrance requirement. I was crushed. In 11th grade, I had to take the pre-SAT. This time, I felt pretty good about it because I had taken it the year before and knew what to expect. But once again, I scored very low. The good thing was that it was only a practice round and didn’t count toward anything. In 12th grade, I had to take the SAT again. This time, I knew it would count toward me getting accepted into college. I still scored about 100 points below the minimum requirement to get into the local university. I felt very dumb because my scores did not improve much since I first took the test in 10th grade. Meanwhile, my peers were getting accepted into good schools, such as Tulane University and Loyola University.
I was so embarrassed and felt I was not smart enough to advance in my education. So, I decided I was going to bypass college, or, at least, kick it down the road by enlisting into the military. I got to the recruiter’s office and had a rude awakening at the news that I had to take yet another entrance exam. It was the military entrance exam, the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery (ASVAB) test. While taking the test, I felt really confident because it was easier than the SAT. But I could not believe that I still missed the minimum entrance requirement by a few points. Once again, I was crushed, and my inner dialog was letting me know that I was too dumb to get anywhere in life. A high school graduate working at McDonalds was as good as it was going to get for me.
But the recruiter talked to his boss, and they agreed to waive my scores because they needed to make their recruitment quota.
About a year prior to getting out of the Navy, I was reminded that I needed to look at going to college to advance in my education. This meant I was going to have re-take the SAT. Sigh! I am not smart enough to go to college! I thought. But I had to stop running.
Fortunately, one of my coworkers heard about my dilemma and offered to tutor me and helped me study for the exam. Once I went to take the test, I felt confident because of the studying I had done and because I had gotten more life experience under my belt since I last took the test several years prior. My scores improved, but they were still way below the minimum entrance requirement for any local college. Then, I found out that some two-year community colleges did not require the SAT for entrance. I felt lucky to have been excepted to earn my associate’s degree. Furthermore, the community college enrolled me in a program that guaranteed my acceptance into the local four-year state college to finish off the last two years of obtaining my bachelor’s degree.
Yes, I am smarter than the tests think, and I graduated with my bachelor’s. At the time, my school was doing some heavy recruiting for the master’s program as they were having trouble meeting their quota. Lucky me! I really wanted to continue with my education and get an MBA. But, once again, I scored too low on the entrance exam to meet the school’s entrance requirement. I quickly enrolled in classes on how to ace entrance exams. But my scores were still not good enough. I received my rejection letter that told me I could reapply the following year. Once again, my inner dialog was letting me know that my dumbness was getting in the way of me moving forward.
My mother, who happened to be an education counselor for Army soldiers, told me that there were some accredited colleges that didn’t require entrance exams. I found one, got accepted. and graduated with my MBA.I then went on to enroll in a PhD program.
What I have come to learn over time is that I was smarter than I realized and that aptitude tests don’t always determine how successful you are going to be in the program or in life. It is about persistence and finding creative ways to make it. Once I really came to grips with this, my inner dialog no longer told me I was too dumb for college.
And it was the same for other areas in my life, including music. There was always something inside of me, telling me I couldn’t possibly advance to higher levels. It made me doubt my abilities and sometimes even lied to me, telling me that I was too dumb and slow to catch on.
I have found that other people struggle with this too.
Is it because our inner voice wants us to stay comfortable and doesn’t want us to stretch beyond the barrier in front of us? Is it because it wants us to stay cautious and not risk putting us out there?
Whatever the reason, it holds us back. There is nothing to be gained by listening to the voice that tells us that we aren’t good enough, smart enough. or can’t be better.
We need to get into the habit of questioning our inner critic that causes self-doubt, and ask ourselves, Is what I’m telling myself true? Why do I believe that? What could I accomplish if I put forth a little effort and tried to prove that voice wrong?
The first step to gaining more confidence is recognizing the doubt in our own minds and calling it a liar.